Starting the new chemotherapy tomorrow. Dara-um-something.
It’s bad enough that I have zero idea what these drugs even do, I can’t even say the name of the damn things.
“What are you doing for chemo?”
“What have you tried previously?”
I sound like Snoop Dogg trying to explain this stuff. “Dexamizzle, mah nizzle.”
You know what they should do? Make the name based off of the worst and most common side effects to pressure the pharma companies to fix them. If your drug was required to be named “Explosivediarrheamumab” you’d fix the goddamn thing, I bet.
Annnnnnywho, here’s a description of the new drug from the Wiki page. If you understand any of this you win. Also feel free to tell me about how you know what this says so you can feel special about yourself at my expense:
Daratumumab is an IgG1k monoclonal antibody directed against CD38. CD38 is overexpressed in multiple myeloma cells. Daratumumab binds to CD38, causing cells to apoptose via antibody-dependent cellular cytotoxicity or complement-dependent cytotoxicity.
For reference, here is what cheesecake is, also from the Wiki page:
Cheesecake is a sweet dessert consisting of one or more layers. The main, and thickest layer, consists of a mixture of soft, fresh cheese (typically cream cheese or ricotta), eggs, and sugar; if there is a bottom layer it often consists of a crust or base made from crushed cookies (or digestive biscuits), graham crackers, pastry, or sponge cake. It may be baked or unbaked (usually refrigerated). Cheesecake is usually sweetened with sugar and may be flavored or topped with fruit, whipped cream, nuts, cookies, fruit sauce, and/or chocolate syrup. Cheesecake can be prepared in many flavors, such as strawberry, pumpkin, key lime, chocolate, Oreo, chestnut, or toffee.
Sigh. Seriously, who the hell makes cheesecake with digestive biscuits? That sounds gross.
I’m going to apologize for the following statement up front since I have heard from a few MM docs who read my blog now. But sometimes I wonder if doctors are that much smarter than me that they just understand that first explanation like, well, the second one, or if it’s a language more designed just to keep us medical Luddites from questioning them. I’ll admit that working in finance I’ve often felt the desire to jargon a client into shutting the fuck up, so I could understand that. Regardless I’ll just be calling it “Dara.” If anyone asks for an explanation of how it works I’ll just make up something like I do with my daughter, who may or may not still believe babies come from Costco (*innocent whistle*). Like Daratumumabagofuckyourself or whatever the hell it’s called makes the cancerous cells watch a director’s extended cut version of that horrific reality show about the Kardashians until the myeloma gremlins commit premature apoptosis, which is what the process is called with the white smoke and stuff when they choose a new pope*.
* I could be wrong on the pope thing, I fell asleep the day they went over etymology in class.
So tomorrow morning I have to be at CBCI at 6:30 AM to get started … they have me there all day, which honestly is fine. Living in Parker on the south side o’ Denver I can’t get any fun places downtown to deliver food, so if I get hungry (dubious) I can order something good to the CBCI office. Even if you’re not hungry the look on the delivery person’s face at a cancer clinic is usually priceless, sort of this combination of fear, desire to leave immediately and regret at having spit in your food. Like most of my married life. Whatever, CBCI has bitchin’ WiFi and I’ve already loaded up the Alienware LAPTOP OF DOOM with Ghost Recon: Wildlands and I can access my home theater server from anywhere.
As a total digression, one thing that’s actually fun about cancer (yes, I just said that, I try to be the glass half full guy when not Dex’ed out of my gourd) is that you rarely lose the argument with yourself over whether something’s too expensive or over-the-top. That’s why I have a DS1515+ running at home on a 250 MB line with over 20 terabytes of storage. I.e., there’s nothing too ridiculous. I have my own Netflix, effectively. “Hey me, think we really need this?” “GODDAMN RIGHT, ‘MURICA!!!” “Well that was easy.”
Anyways back to chemotherapy talk. It’s funny how after a few years I don’t even stress about a new treatment as much as whether I’ll be able to game and/or watch a movie comfortably while they pump this shit into me. In fact, my only real concern is watching myself like a hawk to make sure the Dex they have to apparently give me doesn’t change me back to “Dex Rich.” Dara has become a standard of care already so I’m relatively sure they know what to expect and how to deal with it. My job is to just sit back and entertain myself, and hopefully my nurse, all day.
Thank God, BTW, I wasn’t on Dex yesterday or the results would have gone viral. First I get stuck on the highway for a good 30 minutes because apparently driving is too goddamn difficult for some people (major accident at 25 and Evans-ish), and then I get to University and some municipal worker has blocked and coned off one of the two lanes going north past Cherry Creek for no discernible purpose except to make me even more late. How I did not open my window and, erm, “engage in some witty repartee” is solely due to the lack of steroids in my system. Also I’m relatively sure not only would beer belly smoking worker guy not give a shit about causing a 3 mile traffic jam, he probably took the job just to cause that stuff.
This entry is as scatterbrained as I am today, sorry … too many things on my to-do list and random thoughts won’t stop popping up in my head while I’m writing.
Tomorrow’s the day and then I’m sure I’ll write something up either then or this weekend. Toodles.