There is not much more depressing to me, and other folks with cancer I talk to, than the pressure and sense of failure that comes with not being one of those “Since I got cancer I’ve climbed Everest and become a marathon runner and only eat vegan and quit my job to become a blah blah blah …” I wish “they” would get rid of that unrealistic model because you really do notice if you’re not that person, not only personally but in others’ reactions. Shit I consider a heroic day if I can get by with only two venti lattes to keep from falling asleep while driving thanks to the drugs they have me on and the disease itself so I can get home to play with my daughter for an hour while hopefully no needing a nap during my quality time with her. While hiding tears because I’m terrified of what my likely death from this is going to do to her. Add that to feeling guilty about being a shitty friend and husband because I’m so tired and so introverted now it feels like the effort is just more than I can handle, constantly having to break commitments, having to give up everything I cared about doing in life like travel, diving and teaching diving thanks to a suppressed immune system, getting to witness my brain deteriorate from chemotherapy (“chemobrain”), weight gain from the meds, you name it.
Guess you don’t get a cape for that stuff, though, right?