Went in Friday to start my third cycle of chemotherapy and talk to my local oncologist about my results. There are two primary numbers for my particular flavor of multiple myeloma that I’m trying to reduce to close to zero, igG(S) and igG Kappa. Don’t ask me what they mean — they’re just numbers to me representing this disease and the explanations are a bit beyond my comprehension. Anyhow, after 2 of 4 prescribed chemotherapy cycles I’ve only made a 25% dent in the igG(S) and really haven’t changed the igG Kappa. According to Dr. F., that’s not a good sign that the CyBorD chemotherapy regimen is working. He said generally you’d expect a more substantial impact up front for a variety of reasons, and that at this point it seemed likely that (a) I’d need to change regimens and (b) the chances of being ready to do the stem cell transplant by January are low.
Learning all of this was like getting slapped in the face with a bag of bricks. I just can’t seem to catch a break with any of this, and I feel like I’m being railroaded towards a fairly unpleasant demise every time I get more news. I cried in the car driving home, something I haven’t done in a long time — even through the LexaPro it’s just too much. All of the old thoughts about not being around for Ariana came rushing back, etc. I know there are other therapies and that it was wishful thinking to believe I could have any semblance of normalcy in life after being diagnosed with this, but whatever glimmers of hope I had for that just got trampled Friday.
On top of that this was a Zometa infusion week, and sure enough starting Saturday that fun began again. Nothing as bad as that first cycle but really cloying bone and muscle pain that has lasted until today. I feel like I got thrown out of a car, if that helps paint the picture. New this month was/is that I feel like I sprained something in every muscle in my shoulder blades on my back … just an odd sensation.
The plan is now to see what Dr. M. at the Mayo Clinic in Arizona thinks about everything when I get down there on the 12th. I’m thinking if we hit it off I’m going to have him take over my care as well — I’m not sure what the point of Dr. K. in Rochester is when I’ve never met him and they’re all on the same team. Minnesota is too far from me while Arizona is an easy trip at any time of the year, too hard to get to, can be inaccessible in winter and I have no connection with the doctor there. I’m sure he’s a genius like the rest of these guys, but I like feeling like the people in charge of my life care. So we’ll see.
I switched therapy to be twice a month since (at least up until this weekend) the LexaPro was having a significant impact. The timing of that, as well as the rest of all of this shit, is really making me feel like there’s some force out there taking a direct interest in fucking me over as much and as insidiously as possible. I just don’t get it.